2 Corinthians 12:9 - My grace is sufficient for thee for my strength is made perfect in your weakness.
God,
It's almost been 2 weeks since I birthed our son Johnny. I know you have been our strength, our comforter, our helper. I can feel your love and grace surrounding us. Still, I hurt so much and I just don't understand. Please draw us closer to You. Please use our son's short life to Your glory. Please better me. Take care of him and tell him how much we love and miss him. Tell him we will never forget him.
12/31/2011
God,
It amazes me how so much good can come from something so bad. Our son WAS CALLED according to your purpose. His life is drawing us to You. In his memory I have been able to donate my breastmilk to another baby and mother in need. Please continue to show us good things. Use me, help me to make Johnny proud. Help me make your Son proud.
1/1/2012
God,
You give and you take away, Your will be done. I trust in You. You know better than I. Yet this void hurts to my core - the hollow feeling each time I think of him, the way my mind is in chaos, the feeling in the back of my throat each time I fight the urge to cry - they are all reminders that he is not here. I know he is with You, I thank you for that comfort and that gift. I miss the things I will never do with him. I never got to nurse him and never will. My arms will never hold him again. I will never tuck him in at night or make sure he stays warm. I will never journal his first words or hear his voice. I will never watch him grow, to learn to crawl or take his first steps. I will never watch him play in the bathtub or rub his feet at night. Give me strength to cherish the time I had with him and the grace to let go of the time I can't. Remind me each day that though he is gone for now, a day will come when I can be with him. Thank you for answering my call, for reassuring me that I will have the chance to raise him, that my baby is preserved for me with You.
God, if I could talk with him now, I would tell him that I love him, I would tell him that I'm sorry, I would tell him that I tried, I would tell him that I will always think of him and remember him, I would tell him that I will hold him again. Please tell him these things for me. When we are finally reunited, I know that he will know me and I, him. What a joyful day that will be. Maybe then I will finally understand. I need your grace, I need your love to help me through. Send angels to me still. I praise you for your presence during his birth. I know that you were with me. I know you're with me still.
I want to talk about him freely without worrying about what others think.
