It began with a challenge through my Young Living Essential Oils Team. The challenge was to watch Dr. Caroline Leaf's video - Build a New Way of Thinking (Watch it here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjAWYg3yFlw&t=1145s) 10 times while using certain essential oils and taking notes every other time. We did this over the period of 16 days. (I encourage you to go ahead, and take the challenge too! You can use any of the following oils: Believe, Awaken, Motivation, Frankincense, Vetiver, Brain Power or Cedarwood. You can order these on the Young Living website www.youngliving.com. Please use my Membership # 1344189 to place orders if you are not already a member yourself! I would also be happy to help you become a Wholesale Member if you want the best value for your dollar!) PLEASE comment about what you learned if you decide to do it! This challenge began a WONDERFUL thing in me and I hope it does the same for you!
When in doubt - Frankincense. I used it every time and LOVE this oil!
On the day I watched the video for the 5th time, I also reached two new chapters in a book I have been reading called Hands Free Mama by: Rachel Macy Stafford. (I HIGHLY recommend it!) The chapters were called Silence the Inner Critic and Reveal Your True Self and they convicted and encouraged me as the whole book has done, but in a particular way I didn't think I needed, yet DID. That afternoon, I saw a post from a friend of mine on Facebook. Her post simply said, ""What is your favorite thing about yourself?" and I realized I couldn't answer her. That night, my dear friend, Sara posted a list of things she loves about herself inspired by a book she is reading by Lindsay Sterling. I wanted to write a list of my own but failed to sort through the clouds of negative thoughts and negative self-image in order to find a starting place. I felt so defeated. That night I went to bed in conversation with my Creator. I spent time praying that God would help me to write a list of my own, help me to chalnge my way of thinking and help me to learn self-love.
I have been so hard on myself this past year. (Let's face it, most mothers are at some point in their journey.) I have focused on negative thoughts about my weight, my waist size, my thighs, my breakouts, my imperfect skin, my chewed-to-the-quick fingernails, my hair length, the lines under my eyes..... And THAT'S just the PHYSICAL! The Inner-Critic is even tougher on my own character flaws, shortcomings, and imperfections. I had MANY negative things spoken over me last year that I have still not fully broken free from. I feel such guilt and aggravation with myself when I have disciplined the children "wrong" or been impatient with anyone. If I raise my voice, if I forget to smile more, to play, and to relax. I get upset at my struggle of people- pleasing vs. God-pleasing and my worry over what people think of me or my family. I see my need to be more organized and my inability to have a perfectly clean house rather than seeing what I AM planning well and doing well and all that I have to keep up with. I have hated not being the perfect wife, mother, teacher and Christian woman that I always wanted to be. Deeper still, there is this lingering lie (or as Dr. Caroline Leaf calls it - toxic thought) that I have battled for too long. It is the crippling thought that "I am not enough."
The next morning, I woke up and felt the Lord screaming at me through all of these things, "STOP IT! Stop and remember that YOU are MINE, that I made you in MY PERFECT IMAGE, and that I LOVE you! STOP and CHOOSE LOVE, even for yourself." I decided I would be a stubborn fool to choose not to listen. I decided to begin to "silence my inner critic" by simply choosing to have love and grace for myself wherever it be possible. After all, if a perfect God can love imperfect me, if I am called to love others with that same love, shouldn't I also follow His example and extend that love to myself?
For too long, the thought that I am not enough has held me captive in a place I no longer wanted to be. No matter where this thought came from, no matter its relation to my grief and the loss of my sweet boy, I know it is a lie and I find hope in the message Dr. Caroline Leaf brings in her video by the simple truth that the mind (or soul) can break down these kinds of negative, toxic thoughts and replace them with the truth: With God, I AM enough. In Christ I can do ALL things! As I am, right NOW, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Imperfect? Absolutely. But uniquely the me that God created me to be.
So, I started my own Love List and put myself in an uncomfortable and vulnerable postition ( as I am doing now) by sharing it on social media. Sometimes it is when we step outside of our own comfort zones that we can truly bring glory to the name of the Lord. So, here goes nothing! This is what I have come up with so far. I think it's a great starting point for this journey of self-love. Not selfishness, but self-love. Unlike I used to think, they are NOT one in the same. We love because He first loved us. So I challenge you to CHOOSE LOVE for yourself. After reading my list, I encourage you to begin your own Love List and then to share it, either in the comments here, on a social media front, or in private to someone close to you. Be SURE to write "I love my" over and over again. Include physical attributes too! And a nice "because" never hurt anyone either! Re-visit your list once a week, pray, use those essential oils we talked about earlier, use positive, truthful thoughts, scriptures, and do whatever you need to do to be able to add on whenever possible.
Bonus: Take it a little further and find a picture of yourself that you feel beautiful in. Give yourself grace, forgiveness. And why not? Go ahead and give yourself LOVE too!
Anna's Love List:
I love my creative mind.
I love my ability to empathize and to encourage others.
I love my ability to sing.
I love my natural bent for music.
I love my heart for serving others.
I love my sincere love for my God.
I love my smile because my husband adores it and it still exists despite my grief.
I love my arms because they are strong and have carried all of our children.
I love my womb because it has brought miracles.
PC: Christina Joy Photography
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