My Birth Stories Before Stillbirth

                                                             Evelyn Bryce - 2011

   Evelyn's Story - I was 18 years old when our first child was born. My husband, Kristopher, and I decided to have our baby at home after doing a lot of research.... I mean, a LOT of research. I was nervous and scared for the well-being of my baby and wanted to know as much as I could about my body and what I was about to go through. We believed that God designed my body to give birth and that I could do so naturally yet we both had this false picture of birth that I had to work hard to leave behind me. We also believed birth should not be treated like an emergency, unless it first becomes an emergency. A home birth was the perfect choice for us. Our daughter, Evelyn Bryce Collier, was born in our home at 11:34pm on Thursday, March 20, 2008 – the first day of Spring. She was surrounded by an atmosphere of faith and love from the very start.
    On Monday, March 17th , as I tried to go to bed, I felt like something was different. I was having a hard time getting to sleep because I was feeling what felt like cramps. By the next morning, I was laboring and my contractions were getting increasingly closer and harder. We called my Midwife and other birth attendants and they were at our home soon after that. Everyone was a little surprised that I was truly laboring since I was about 2 weeks early and this is slightly unusual for “first-timers”. (Just more evidence that every labor and birth experience is uniquely different.) My husband went to buy a few last minute things for the birth before my Midwife and birth attendants arrived. When he came home, he surprised me with a wonderful “Hang in there. You can do this. I love you.” note, a toy for the baby, and two bears: a pink bear and a blue bear. We had chosen to wait until our baby's birth to find out whether it was a girl or a boy. We were excited, it was time! I couldn't talk during my contractions, I was throwing up, and I was having contractions about 4 minutes apart. I was in active labor! I would be for 59 long hours.
    So much happened during those 3 days, I wish I could write every single detail. Though my labor was long, I would not change a thing about it. I learned so much during my labor and had such a memorable, life changing experience. The support I received from everyone around me was incredible. My husband barely left my side, and when he did, he only did so because I told him he would be of more use to me if he had some sleep. He may have been a little nervous, but he knew exactly what to say to me and was my rock through it all. Each one of my attendants gave me every minute they could and dedicated days to my labor. Their energy and time given meant so much to me. They continuously offered their support, encouragement, knowledge, and anything and everything else they possibly could. My Mom and Dad were also there. We lived in their home at this time so it was wonderful that they were so happy to open their hearts and home to the idea of a home birth. They offered help and support however they could and were so positive and encouraging the entire time.
    It was a whole new version of birth, or maybe an old-fashioned version with a bit of a modern twist! So different than the kind you see on TV or in movies, so different than the typical labor mothers in America so often experience. I was free to move around as I pleased, to get as comfortable as possible, to stand in the shower, to sit in the birth tub, to eat, and on one night, even manage to sleep between my contractions. I was free to let nature take its course instead of forcing it to happen in my (or my doctor's) time, and I never looked at the clock. I used relaxation “tools” I had prepared for myself through pregnancy. I remember realizing about halfway through the first day that I was trying to run from my contractions instead of working with them and surrendering myself to the labor process. Once I knew what I was doing, I knew how to fix it. “Relax. Don't run from this. Surrender. You can do this” I managed to calm myself through the knowledge that I had, but faith was they key through it all. Faith in myself, but ultimately faith that God was with me and had created me to do this so well!
    There were so many unique memories made during those 59 hours. I danced with my husband, played music and sang with him, hugged, kissed, prayed, went on a walk in our neighborhood... we  even colored Easter eggs around our kitchen table. Kris and one of my attendants both read scripture and uplifting quotes, poems, and song lyrics to me that I had written down on cards during pregnancy. (One of my relaxation “tools” I mentioned before.) I was tired, but never scared, I never gave up, and I never doubted that our baby would be born right there in the home where I grew up.
    My Midwife made sure I stayed hydrated and had some food in my belly the whole time, which kept me going. But, I was still tired and I felt almost “stuck” when we decided to call my Chiropractor. I also asked for my sister to join us at this time, feeling like the added moral support may help me feel stronger. After she arrived, my Chiropractor traveled from 2 hours away to attend my birth and after he arrived, he adjusted my neck. About 30 minutes later, my water broke. I labored a while longer before he adjusted my neck again, and about 30 minutes after that, my baby was finally born. I could honestly feel the difference immediately after I was adjusted, especially the first time.  I am so thankful that he came and brought with him a very  positive, helpful, and supportive attitude. Needless to say I am very supportive of Chiropractic care through pregnancy. It seemed that small adjustment aided my hormones so much!
    The most incredible part of it all was when our baby finally decided to make her grand entrance into the world. I stood, supported by my father and a birth attendant on each side of me,  sweating as my body pushed her out.(The extra support was nice since my body was very tired, but as I found out with my next labor, this is not usually needed, just a wall, a lover, or a chair to lean or put a hand on.)  First came her head, then finally her body, one shoulder at a time. My husband told me later how surprised he was when he saw that I was smiling with each contraction during the "hardest" stage of my labor. She was finally arriving and I was so ready! I looked at my dad, he was sweating as much as I was. (It was hot in the small bathroom) I remember thinking to myself that it looked like he was laboring right along with me. Kris was at my feet, watching, waiting to be the first one to touch our child. He talked to me, giving me extra strength. I remember how amazed his voice sounded when he told me he could see the baby's head, that I was almost there! Then it happened, she arrived! Kris delivered her into my arms. She was beautiful. All wet and new. I cannot describe how I felt in those first few moments, it seems almost a dream now. I was flooded by emotion. I cried tears of joy and was so overcome with love for our new baby, for my husband, and for our new little family. I felt so proud, like I had just completed a task that only I could have done, yet so humbled that this life I was holding was a miracle handmade by God Himself.  Then we announced together, “It' a girl!” My sister asked, “What is her name?” And I replied, “Evelyn”.
    After a few moments of skin-to-skin bliss, I was helped from the bathroom to our bedroom and sat in my own bed where Evelyn stayed in my arms, undisturbed, for hours. I held her close to me and the two of us, both rookies, learned the art of breastfeeding together. I was thankful to have some guidance from some of the experienced mothers there, it seemed nursing didn't come very easily me and I could definitely use some pointers. My Chiropractor checked on us before he left for his long drive back, so happy that he was able to be a part of her home birth. Then, it was time to cut the umbilical cord, which my Mom volunteered to do. I finally birthed her placenta and then Evelyn was weighed and measured and checked up on. She was a beautiful and healthy 9 lb, 21 ¼ in. baby. And to me, she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I slept in my own comfortable bed that night, Evelyn beside me, undisturbed and able to bond with my new baby and my husband.
    The birth of our daughter was everything and more than I had hoped it would be. Everyone seemed to have faith in my ability to give birth, it gave me strength through even the most tiring hours of my labor. How blessed I felt, to be the one who would deliver our child into the world. Through such an amazing, trying, and empowering experience God answered the prayers I prayed often through pregnancy – that my labor and birth experience would help teach me patience and that through it, I would truly transform into a Mother. She was 9 lbs, my first baby, and I had no tearing or any other complications. She was so healthy and so alert from the start. I know now that if I had had her in the Hospital, they would have never let me labor naturally for so long. I would have been induced with Pitocin and since Pitocin induced contractions are harder than natural contractions, I may have requested an Epidural which could have slowed the labor again and also could have caused the baby's heart rate to slow. This string of events could have led to a Cesarean Section. But I was not in the hospital I was where I felt most in control, my home. It was a beautiful first birth experience and it wasn't but two weeks later when I started saying I was ready to do it all again. And I would, almost exactly 2 years later.

                                                                          Ezra William - 2011
                                         

    Ezra's Story - My second birth experience was similar in many ways to my first one, but very different in others. My husband, Kris, and and I knew with all our hearts and minds that we wanted another home birth. After the experience our daughter's home birth had been, we couldn't imagine anything else. I felt so much more relaxed and less anxious about this birth. After all, I had been through it before, I knew what to expect, and I felt like after conquering a 59 hour first labor... I could conquer anything. My husband and I chose to ask one of my attendants from our daughter's birth back as the Midwife for our second birth. She accepted. We knew we wanted a quieter birth this time and made that known to her. Don't get me wrong, I did not mind all the “traffic” during my first birth, just the opposite! I loved all the different sources of support! I needed them with her birth. Something just sounded nice about keeping it a bit quieter this time, to labor by myself longer, and to spend most of the labor alone with my husband. My hope was that this labor would be only ½ the length of the first one and this time, I was blessed with a short 6 hour labor.
    I was only 1 week past my due date,  but it felt like a month! I felt big and uncomfortable, excited, and ready to have our second baby. I woke up on Friday March 27,  2010, one week after our daughter, Evelyn's, second  Birthday, and I felt the same pre-labor “cramps” I had felt with the night before I went into labor with her. I felt like the best thing for me to do was to walk in order to naturally “induce” myself into labor. (I really wanted to have this baby, and soon!) So Kris, Evelyn, and I went to run some errands. I remember telling my parents we were going to go to the store to walk the baby out! My parents had a full schedule that day and a concert that night, so my mom told me not to have the baby before they got home. (We still lived in their home at this time.) Everyone laughed. Knowing how long my last labor was made this request so comical to all of us ! While we were at the store, my contractions became strong enough that I could no longer walk or talk through them and I was afraid people would start to stare as I started wanting to vocalize my way through them. We checked out and loaded up the car. In the car, Kris, timed my contractions and they were about 3 minutes apart. I was so excited when he told me he thought it was very likely I would give birth the same day that I went into labor! We got home (I love that our destination was home and not frantically rushing to the Hospital.) I got in some comfy clothes while Kris unloaded Evelyn and called my Midwife to let her know I was in labor but that I wanted to labor a while before we asked her and her assistant to come. He also called a friend of ours to see if she could help watch Evelyn during the labor and birth. After she came, we ended up sending her to the store before the labor picked up since we had forgotten a pink bear in case the baby was a girl. (The blue bear from Evelyn's birth was set aside for this one since we felt pretty confident he was a boy.) I started to panic at the thought of another girl since we did not have any girl names that we were even considering!
    I got through each contraction very similarly yet very differently than I had the first time. I felt like a laboring pro. My back ached (I forgot how much that hurt) so I hit one of my favorite spots from the first labor – the shower. Our friend got back and took over keeping Evelyn occupied for Kris. He and I both seemed more confident, more comfortable, and more at ease this time. I remember feeling at times during the labor like it was almost going too fast, “Just go with it! Hold on to this wild ride!” I would remind myself! I labored for a while before giving Kris the go-ahead to call my birth attendants. Evelyn played outside with her babysitter, then I heard the sounds of Veggie Tales coming from the downstairs as I labored upstairs with Kris right there with me, just the two of us in the privacy and comfort of the house I had lived in since I could remember. I heard my attendants come in the house. My Midwife came in so quietly to check on me, then graciously slipped away telling us they would be right downstairs whenever I needed or wanted them. The private and quiet atmosphere was wonderful, Kris and I both loved it. I wondered how Evelyn was doing. And at about the same moment that I wondered about her, she heard my vocalizing from downstairs and was curious, so our friend brought her upstairs and asked if Evelyn could see me for a little bit. I wanted nothing more! I was in my favorite spot again – the shower. Kris held Evelyn and brought her to the partially opened shower curtain. He talked to her, explaining why Mommy was making noises as more contractions came. She reached her little hand in, touching my belly and said “Okay Mommy.” and stroked it in a comforting manner. Then she went back downstairs to finish her show. Needless to say, after this experience, I am very supportive of other children being present for their sibling's births.
    All so fast, the labor picked up and I felt like the time was soon. I got out of the shower and asked Kris to get my nightgown and my birth attendants. (I had picked out one of my favorite nighties for the birth while I was pregnant since I decided I wanted to “dress up” for the occasion this time!) I labored  a while longer, feeling the urge to push. Our friend and Evelyn came to the top of the stairs since Evelyn wanted to see me again. I told them to stay before I hopped back in the shower  for only a few minutes.  And then it progressed to the grand finale! I stepped out, put a hand against the wall, and our baby crowned. Kris and I both reached down and touched his head together being the first ones to touch our son. “It's slimey!” I said with a little giggle! And then all at once, my water broke and out came his head, and then his body! Kris caught him from behind, since I was facing the wall. I turned, stepped over his cord, and Kris delivered our second child into my arms. “It's a boy!” he told me. Our Ezra. It was 9:20pm.
    After birthing his placenta, Kris cut his cord. I sat in our bed undisturbed, nursing, holding, and bonding with my baby. Kris tucked Evelyn in bed, then helped my birth attendants with clean up. I was in a haze where everything around me except for the precious life in my arms seemed to disappear. I don't remember all the little details, only how wonderful those first moments were. We weighed and measured him. He was healthy, big, and strong at 10 lbs. 21in. When my parents got home, the house was quiet, everyone was gone except for Kris, Evelyn, Ezra, and I. They couldn't believe it when Kris met them outside and greeted them with, “Well, you have a new grandson!” They quietly came to take a peak at him and say “Goodnight.” Kris tucked Ezra and I in, making sure we were both comfortable and then we all slept. It had been a truly eventful day!

                                                            Ezra & Evelyn - Winter 2012