Remembering Johnny's Funeral Service

 Psalm 22:10 - I was cast upon Thee from the womb: thou art my God from my Mother's belly.

Colossians 3:4 - When Christ who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. 

     After coming home from the hospital, it was such a blessing to hug and love on the two children we already had! I rested that day on our couch, crying often, looking at the one picture of him I had on our camera (above), and wishing I could have my baby with me until the funeral. With every tear, my son, Ezra, would come comfort me, stroking my arm and asking if I needed a tissue. My husband, Kris, immediately began planning the funeral service. In order to leave the hospital, we had to tell them what funeral home we were working with and in addition to that pressure, we knew we did not want too much time to pass before we layed him to rest. I had out-of-state family that were coming to support us and wanted to be at the funeral. His services would be held just 2 days following his birth. It was so much for my husband to bear. His best friend, John, (yes he is who our son was named after) and my Grandfather helped him with phone calls and supported him through the process. Kris and I discussed what we wanted for the services, and it was the hardest, yet easiest thing we have ever had to plan. It was hard because the realization that he was truly gone and was not coming back was setting in. It was hard because we had never in our wildest nightmares imagined we would need to plan a funeral for one of our children. It was hard because we wanted our baby to be with us, healthy and whole. What came easy was that both my husband and I had the same hopes for his funeral. We hoped all those around us would see a miracle through his life and we hoped that no one, not us, not our family, not our friends, would become angry with God. We chose to bury him at Bellbrook Cemetery next to my Great-Grandfather and just above my Grandfather's reserved lot. The funeral home was such a blessing to work with. We chose Bible verses that we wanted read and I asked my parents to sing "It Is Well" during the service. It was such a fitting hymn (my favorite), not just because of the story behind the song but also because it was sung during his birth and brought me comfort as I gave birth to him. Kris and his friend John went out and Kris bought a new suit for himself and a dress and boots for me. We chose the things we wanted our baby to be buried with. To me that was the toughest thing we had to do.
     I woke up the morning of the funeral and hated the sight of his empty cradle beside our bed and the baskets of freshly washed baby clothes that I had prepared in my pregnant-nesting stages. On top of everything, my milk came in that morning and I had to begin pumping to relieve my full breasts. This was especially difficult to face as I wanted nothing more than to nurse my baby. So many of our family and friends came to the cemetery on that cold December day to be there for us. Kris' best friend met us at our home and drove out with us to make sure we got there safe. We arrived. My feet hit the as-fault and it sunk in what that Sunday was all about. Immediately my eyes welled with tears and I didn't think I had the strength to be there or to keep my feet and legs strong beneath me. But Kris was beside me and the faces of people who loved us enabled me to move forward. When we turned into the tent, the sight of his little white coffin was heartbreaking. I have never seen one so small. We sat together as a family during the service. The minister did such a wonderful job including everything we had asked him to. My parents made it through It is Well perfectly. At the closing, everyone waited in the cold to hug us before they left. many of them took Birth Announcements I had made that included that same wonderful picture that I cherished so much. I have never received so many hugs in one day! It was therapeutic. There was no doubt in our minds that we were loved and that people were praying for us. My grandparents drove in from Georgia to be there and picked up my sister from Tennessee along the way.just knowing so many people felt that is was so important to be there was comforting.
     When everyone was leaving, Kris and I stayed to watch his casket be lowered and covered. We prayed together and said our final "Goodbye"s. I thought what I would feel in those moments would be torture and anguish, but instead I felt peace overcome me just as it had overcome me during his birth. I know there were angels beside us that day and in all the days surrounding his loss.
     After the funeral, my sisters planned a luncheon at my sister, Cristy's, home. She had been there for me through the labor and decided that she wanted to do something special for us. My sister, Jennifer, helped her with preparations after she had gotten in town from TN and the two of them outdid themselves. Cristy rented tables and chairs, they cooked so much food, and decorated every table in baby blue. There were baby blue roses at every table and today if you were to walk into my sister's house, you would still see a bouquet of blue roses displayed in her foyer. I smile now every time I see them. We sat, surrounded by love, as we ate our lunch that afternoon. I even held a baby that day, not my own, but a little girl named "Laynie" who holds a special space in my heart. She was the first birth I assisted at. I was about 16 wks. pregnant with my Johnny when she was born at home. It was so wonderful to have a connection to a baby that day no matter how much my heart yearned for my Johnny.

     James 1:3-4 - The trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.