1 Year Since I Held Him

Blowing out his candle - December 8, 2012

     December came back around. It seemed like such a long year. It was all I could do to just get through it. I am thankful for my family and my friends who helped me to hang on to my joy even through the darkest days. Most of all I am thankful for Christ's comforting Love. I didn't want Johnny's Birthday to be a day when we all wore black and cried the whole day through, though I knew there would be tears. I wanted to make his Birthday something special for our family, just like it would be if he were still here with us. So his big brother and big sister helped me make him a Birthday cake and we took it to the cemetery as a family. We even sang Happy Birthday! And as always, we prayed together by where his body lays. Evelyn and Ezra each brought him little Birthday gifts to lay at his grave. After singing Happy Birthday, we blew out his candle and cut and ate the cake. Though it was December, it wasn't too cold, but soon, Kris and I decided to buckle the kids in their seats and take a minute alone together. Then we comforted one another the way we do each time we visit him. Part of me just couldn't believe it had already been a year, it could have just been the day before when I was giving birth to him... another part felt like it had been ages since I had held him next to me. I missed him every day that year and I have missed him every day since.

Too busy eating cake to smile!